Off A Cliff
by You Can Call Me Effie
Summary: Being forced by cats to take part in a shoujo manga was definitely not what Liz expected her afterlife to be like.
1. Cats

"Sh! She's waking up!"

"Yellow, you were the one talking."

"I said sh!"

Liz shifted and cracked her eyes open. "Wha-"

"Welcome." She shifted until she was sitting and stared. Seven different colored cats stared back. She blinked. "I'm dead, aren't I."

The yellow one spoke. "Yep!"

Green. "You're here early."

Blue. "Way too early."

All. "We can fix that."

Liz coughed. "Right. Ahem. WHAT THE FUCK?"

Red. "Language."

Orange. "Please keep it down."

Black. "Yeah, shut up."

All others. "Black!"

Liz rubbed her temples. "God. Shut up."

Purple. "Rude."

Liz grimaced. "Whatever. Just. Understand. I'm talking to cats."

Yellow. "Yep!"

Black. "And?"

She glowered. "And they're talking back!"

There was a pause as the cats looked at each other, seemingly contemplating something. They looked at her. Orange spoke up. "Are you racist?"

Liz jolted. "What? No!"

Blue. "Oh my god, she's racist!"

Black. "I knew there was a reason I didn't like her!"

Yellow. "Guys, she said she's not racist."

Purple. "So did Donald Trump."

Yellow. "... Oh my god, she's racist!"

Liz threw her arms up. "I'm not racist! Now, is there a reason I'm talking to cats when I should be comfortably dead in the ocean?"

Green looked around and sighed. "Yeah. But I was hoping the rest of them would quit squabbling so we could ALL EXPLAIN." He swatted at the others until they were quiet.

Black yawned and looked around. "Why're you still here?"

Liz glared. "I'm wondering that too, actually."

Yellow raised her paw. "We want you to join OHSHC!"

Liz blinked. "You want me to what now?"

Purple. "We want you to join the host club."

Black. "Well, they want you to. I couldn't care less."

Liz deadpanned. "Look, it's weird enough to have different colored cats talking to me, but this is just ridiculous."

Purple stretched. "How so?"

Liz glared. "Well, for one thing, it's fictional."

Blue looked at her impassively. "You are speaking to cats."

Liz glared harder. "I'm a girl!"

Orange yawned. "So is the main character."

Liz felt her eye twitch. "I look like a girl!"

Red shifted. "So does the main character."

Liz stood up. "I'm dead!"

All. "We can fix that."

Liz threw her hands up. "I don't want to!"

Orange sighed. "Well, in that case, we'll let you go."

Liz sat back down. "Really?"

All. "No."

She threw herself back in a lying position. "UGH! You know, if I wanted to be reborn into some weird ass shoujo manga, I would've asked!"

Red licked her paw. "You did ask."

Liz sat up. "Huh?"

A familiar book was suddenly in front of Green, who had somehow acquired reading glasses. He cleared his throat. "'Dear Journal, don't tell anyone this, but when I die I want to be reborn into a fictional world.'"

Liz rolled her eyes. "That proves nothing."

Green wasn't finished. "'Specifically, Ouran High School Host Club.'"

Liz shrieked. "I WAS TWELVE!"

Purple. "It was only four years ago."

Liz crossed her arms. "I've grown up since then."

Black. "You drove yourself off a cliff."

Green. "To die."

Red. "You did."

Liz sighed. "This isn't exactly what I had in mind when I made that decision."

Green. "Unfortunately, it's in writing."

Liz groaned. "I was twelve."

Black snapped. "And now you're sixteen and dead. Any more questions?"

Liz sighed. "How can I get out of this?"

All. "You can't."

She sighed again. "Fine. What will I do once I get there."

Yellow bounced up. "Have fun and make friends!"

Liz stared. "Thanks mother. But seriously?"

Green sighed. "We are serious. You need to be a happier person."

Liz snorted. Right. "How will I join the Host Club?"

Purple waved a paw. "Break something, we don't know."

"Am I already enrolled?"

Green. "Yes. You will enter as a second year."

Liz perked up. "I don't speak Japanese."

Blue. "You do now."

She groaned. "Will one of you at least be coming with me?"

Red. "Nope."

Yellow. "Sorry."

Green. "However, you will get a cat familiar."

Liz grimaced. "This isn't going to end up being one of those magical girl animes where sparkles fly out of my vagina, is it?"

Purple stared. "No."

Orange blinked. "Ew."

Blue looked at her judgmentally. "Gross."

Liz shrugged. "Well, at least there's that. I have a place to live, though, right?"

Green nudged up his glasses with his paw. "You will be staying in an apartment two doors down from Haruji Fujioka."

Liz deadpanned. "I really couldn't avoid this if I tried to."

Orange and Blue. "Nope."

Purple. "No."

Black. "You have absolutely no choice."

Yellow. "Isn't it great?"

Liz slouched. "Do I at least get to wear the male uniform?"

Green flicked his tail. "You can have a male uniform as long as the bottom is a skirt."

She rubbed her temple. "Why?"

Red sneered. "Because sexism."

Liz blinked. "Wow."

Green nodded. "Yes. Now, pick the color of your familiar."

She looked at the cats. "The only color that isn't here is white, so I choose that."

Green nodded. "Very well. Now, name him."

"Oni."

"There. He will be waiting for you at your apartment."

Liz stood and stretched. "Alright. We done here?"

Green nodded. "Yes."

Black sighed. "Finally."

Liz nodded. "Great. This should be fun. Send me out."

Green nodded. "Very well."

Yellow waved. "Good bye!"

Liz smiled as a bright light enveloped her, taking her away.

The cats stared at the place the girl had disappeared.

The purple cat nudged the orange cat. "She chose white."

Orange cat shrugged. "Knew she was racist."


	2. Convenient

Elizabeth Verenice Garcia was livid.

Not only had she gone through the emotional and physical trauma of intentionally driving her car into the ocean, but it turns out her life isn't even over yet.

She'd flashed into her apartment, completely intending to ignore everything and go to bed, when she remembered Oni. The white kitten was staring at her as soon as she walked into her new (small) bedroom in her new (small) apartment.

Liz sighed, looking at the cat. "I have to feed you, don't I."

 _'I_ _mean_ , _I_ _wouldn't_ _mind_.'

She screamed, tripping over her own feet. "Wh-what-?"

 _'Oh_ , _honestly_.' Oni rolled his eyes, cleaning his paw. ' _You'd_ _think_ _you_ _never_ _saw_ _a_ _telepathic_ _cat_ _before_.'

"I haven't!" Liz sat up. "The others weren't in my head!"

He paused. '... _Oh_ _yeah.'_

Liz sighed and stood up, going over to her closet and opening it. She groaned. "They weren't kidding..."

Oni padded over and climbed up her back, staring at the uniform over her shoulder. ' _Ooh_ , _scandalous_.'

Liz facepalmed, scratching Oni's head with her other hand. She set Oni down, told him to turn around (' _Like_ _I'd_ _wanna_ _see_ _that_ _anyway_...') and tried on the uniform. Not only were the Rainbow Cats not kidding about the skirt, they'd also made the skirt barely reach mid-thigh.

 _At_ _least_ _the_ _shirt_ _is_ _my_ _size_ , she thought, turning her body this way and that to see herself in the mirror. _And_ _the_ _Blazers_ _pretty_ _nice_.

 _'The_ _skirt_ _could_ _be_ _worse_.'

Liz raised her eyebrows. _Oh_ , _so_ _you_ _can_ _hear_ _my_ thoughts _too_?

' _Duh_.' Oni rolled his eyes. ' _Do_ _you_ _want_ _to_ _have_ _to_ _speak_ _out_ _loud_ _to_ _me_ _in_ _public?'_

Liz shrugged. _Good_ _point._

Liz changed into her pajamas (an over sized sweater she found in the closet and some shorts) and went over to her tiny kitchen and looked for something a cat could eat. _Hey_ , _Oni?_

' _Yeah?'_

 _What_ _do_ _cats_ _eat?_

 _'Beats_ _me.'_

She paused. _But_ _you're_ _a_ _cat._

Oni sniffed. _'Technically_ _I'm_ _an_ _all_ _powerful_ _entity_ _assigned_ _to_ _help_ _guide you to happiness and enlightenment.'_

... _Right._ Liz shook her head, continuing her search. _So_ , _what_ _do_ _all_ _powerful_ _entities_ _eat_ , _than?_

 _'No_ _idea_. _I,_ _however,_ _am_ _partial_ _to_ _tuna_ _and_ _green_ _bananas.'_

Liz scrunched her nose. _Tuna_ _and_ _bananas?_

Oni shot her a glance. _'Not_ _together,_ _nunce.'_

She tilted her head, grabbing the one banana on her kitchen table. _Nunce?_

 _'Just_ _feed_ _me.'_

She snorted. She took the time it took for Oni to eat to explore her apartment.

Immediately when you walk in the front door, you see the sitting room and kitchen. They aren't separated but for an island. The sitting room had an old looking armchair, a bookshelf with some books on it, and a lamp. Then there's a short hallway that leads to the only bedroom (hers) and bathroom (also hers, though the shower looked like something out of a horror movie).

 _Well_. _That killed five minutes._

Liz sighed and looked into the bathroom mirror, at her messy dark brown hair and deep set brown eyes. She looked like an addict. _Nothing like fluorescent lights to boost your self esteem._

She sighed and left the bathroom to put on the knee socks she found in her closet. She rolled her eyes. _Freaking cats with their anime sexism._

Making up her mind, she walked over to the front door, putting on some slippers. _'Where do you think_ _you're going?'_

Liz glanced over at Oni, who had finished his banana. _I'm gonna meet the neighbors._

 _'Dressed like that?'_

 _What's wrong with this?_

 _'You could get hurt or abducted. I'm coming with you.'_

 _Yes, because a cat the length of my hand is going to look like such a threat._

Oni pouted up at her. _Ugh._ "Fine, you can come."

Oni bounced once in victory (it was adorable, his little paw was up) and crawled onto her shoulder.

She sighed. _Darn my lack of willpower around cute things..._

Oni preened.

Liz opened the door and almost walked right into a fist.

Haruji Fujioka lowered the hand she was about to knock with and bowed. "I apologize. I wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood, so I thought I'd come over. Sorry for scaring you."

Liz blinked. _Well, this is convenient._ "It's fine. I was actually on my way to meet the neighbors, miss..."

Haruhi blinked and smiled. "Haruhi Fujioka. I live two doors down." She looked at Liz's outfit. Her eyes widened slightly. "You were going out in that?"

 _'Told you.'_

 _Shut up._

Liz smirked, fighting the urge to blush, and held out a hand. "Elizabeth Garcia. You can call me Elizabeth, Beth, Eliza, or Liz. I myself am partial to the last one."

Haruhi blinked. "Liz-sama, you're foreign?"

Liz nodded. "Latina-American."

Haruhi nodded and shivered slightly.

Liz's eyes widened.

 _'You haven't invited her in.'_

 _I know!_

"Um, I'm sorry, I'm being rude making you stand out in the cold. Won't you come in?"

Haruhi nodded gratefully and Liz stepped to the side to let her in, feeling like a horrible person.

 _Stupid stupid stupid! You made the poor girl stand out in the cold!_

 _'Calm down, B.'_ Oni rubbed his face against hers. _'It's not your fault.'_

Haruhi giggled.

Liz started slightly, causing Oni to cling to her sweater before letting go and landing in the carpet. _'I try to help you, you shake me off.'_

 _Sorry!_

He turned his head away. _'Hmph.'_

Liz rolled her eyes and smiled at Haruhi. "You want something to drink?"

 _'Do we even have something to drink?'_

 _We have tap water._

 _'Ew.'_

 _Snob._

"No thank you, Liz-sama." Haruhi stood awkwardly by the armchair.

Liz gestured to it, moving the uniform she had discarded from it. "You can sit down if you want?"

Haruhi eyed her uniform. "You go to Ouran?"

Liz smirked. "Starting tomorrow."

 _'Hurray, less awkward!'_

Haruhi picked up the blazer. "This is the male uniform."

Liz showed her the skirt. "Not anymore."

Haruhi sweat dropped. "How'd you pull that?"

Liz shrugged. "Long story."

Haruhi looked around before seemingly noticing something. "Liz-sama, if you don't mind me asking, where are your parents?"

Liz froze, before shrugging. "Don't know." _True._ "Could be dead for all I know." _Also true._ "Or care."

Oni jumped back on her shoulders. _'You chose this.'_

 _You aren't helping._

Haruhi's eyes widened and she stood and bowed again. "I'm sorry, Liz-sama! I should've asked. Please forgive me."

Liz snorted. "Calm down, Haruhi." Her eyes widened. _Crap. Is that offensive?_ "Can I call you Haruhi? Honorifics confuse the hell out of me."

Haruhi nodded and smiled. Liz let out a breath.

"Thanks. And don't worry about it. I could've just not told you if I didn't want to."

"HARUHI~! WHERES MY DARLING DAUGHTER? ARE YOU WITH THAT BLOND BUG AGAIN?"

Liza's eyes widened as Haruhi rolled her eyes. "That's Dad. I gotta go, now."

Liz snorted before covering her mouth. "Sorry, yeah, I get it. Go to your dad."

Haruhi smiled slightly and bowed. Liz tilted her head. "You don't need to do that."

Haruhi tilted her head. "Do what?"

Liz made a vague gesture. "You know, _bow_ at me. I'm not Beyoncé."

Haruhi blinked. "Who?"

The door slammed open. "HARUHIIIII~! Have you seen- Haruhi! There you are! You had your papa worried sick!" Ranka turned to face Liz from where he was suddenly smothering Haruhi. He bounced over. "Oh, hello, you left your door unlocked. Who are you? New neighbor?"

She nodded, trying not to laugh. "I'm Liz. And you must be Haruhi's parent?"

A pause. And he pounced. "OH YOU'RE SO CUTE~! AND FOREIGN! You may call me Ranka-chan~!"

Liz patted him awkwardly on the back. "Okay, this is nice and everything, but-"

Ranka paused in his swaying. "Oh dear, I'm choking you aren't I?"

Liz tried to nod. "A little, yeah."

Ranka released her. "You'll be fine. However, me and Haruhi must be leaving now for bed and for work. Haruhi?"

Liz looked around. "I think Haruhi already left, Ranka-chan."

"And you didn't tell me?!"

"You were choking me."

Ranka went off, grumbling. "Everything's always my fault. BYE~, LIZ-CHAN~!"

"Please don't slam the-!"

SLAM!

"...door."

Liz slouched over to her bedroom, where Oni had escaped to during the Ranka segment. He looked up. _'Rough day?'_

 _You were there._

 _'Heh. Yeah.'_ He cleaned his paw. _'But look at it this way. Tomorrow you have school and you can introduce yourself to the Host Club.'_

 _And deal with Tamaki as another Ranka? My eardrums will be gone immediately before my sanity._

 _'What sanity? You're in an anime with a telepathic cat.'_

 _Just let me delude myself, please._

Oni didn't respond. She shrugged and shifted. _Good night, Oni._

Oni stretched out and closed his eyes. _'Night, B.'_


	3. Curses

' _B_.' Liz felt something poking at her temple. She swatted at it and turned over in her bed.

The poking persisted. _'B, wake up.'_

She groaned and swatted again, not opening her eyes. "Honestly, Yema, let me sleep for once."

The poking paused and then restarted with vigor. ' _Is there another cat in your life that you aren't telling_ _me about?'_ A hard poke. ' _You can be late to school now. See if I care.'_

Liz jerked up, accidentally knocking Oni off the bed. "School?"

Oni glared up at her indignantly from where he was now sitting on the floor. _'Duh.'_

She jumped out of bed and went to the bathroom to brush her teeth. "Wha' t'me 's it? Oni?"

 _'It's 7:12. You're already late.'_

Liz glared at him, spitting out her toothpaste in the sink. "And you didn't wake me up earlier because?"

 _'I was sleeping. You know cats.'_ He stretched out on the carpet, licking languidly at his paw. _'You should_ brush your hair. _You look like death.'_

"Why, you little-"

A knock at the door.

Liz froze and looked at Oni.

Oni looked back.

Another knock.

Liz inched tentatively toward the door. "Who is it?"

"Liz-sama? It's Haruhi."

Liz walked over to the door and opened it, slightly confused. "Yeah? Hi, sorry, I was just getting ready. You wanna come in?"

Haruhi shook her head. She was in her Ouran uniform, which actually made her look kind of like a boy. Granted, a pretty, feminine boy, but still.

Actually, no it didn't.

 _How does anyone buy this?_

 _'Anime logic.'_

 _Right._

Haruhi bowed. "I was wondering if you wanted to walk to school together, since it's your first day. It wouldn't do to be late."

 _Wouldn't do to be..._

Liz smiled and nodded. "That'd be wonderful, Haruhi, thank you. Let me just get changed first."

Haruhi nodded, turning slightly toward her apartment. "In the meantime, I'll be right back. I think I took my dad's bento."

Liz nodded again, still smiling. "Okay. See you in a bit."

She watched Haruhi walk away and closed the door. She took a deep breath. "ONI!"

' _Aw, fuck.'_

A white blur shot past her toward the bathroom. Liz smirked. "You can run, dearest, but you can't hide."

' _Try me!'_

Liz walked into the bathroom.

And was promptly attacked. "GAH!"

Oni jumped from where he'd thrown himself onto her head and ran off into another part of the apartment. ' _If you try to get me, you'll be late for school!'_

Liz closed the door and began changing. _You said I was already late, Oni. What difference does a few minutes make?_

' _That depends on how many minutes.'_

She tucked her shirt into her skirt and twirled in front of the mirror, grimacing at her messy hair. _Oh, I don't know... The amount of minutes it takes to skin a fairly small, smart-mouthed cat._

 _'Eep.'_

Haruhi knocked on the door. "Are you ready, Liz-sama?"

 _Shit_. "Yeah, give me a minute!"

She ran out of the bathroom, throwing on the rest of her uniform (which included a pair of knee high socks. She decided to just not change out of the ones she wore to bed.) and grabbing an apple on the way to the door.

She opened it and almost closed it again.

The entire host club was suddenly there, with an annoyed looking Haruhi.

Liz ran a hand through her hair, got it stuck midway through, and rolled her eyes as she disentangled it. "Haruhi?"

Haruhi pushed off Tamaki, who was rubbing his face in her hair. "Liz-sama, this is the Host Club. The tall one is Mori-senpai, the small one next to him is Honey-senpai, the twins are Hikaru and Kaoru, the idiot blond is my senpai-"

"Tamaki Souh, at your service. How does a princess such as yourself know our dear, homely Haruhi with such familiarity?"

Said idiot was suddenly in front of Liz, very much in her personal space. She leaned away, pulling her hand from where he was holding it very close to his mouth.

She cleared her throat. "Um, I'm Liz. Please back up a bit."

He kind of disintegrated. She blinked. _That's disturbing_.

Liz stepped over the pile of Tamaki and turned to lock the door.

When she turned back, two identical faces were unnervingly close to her own. She blinked. "Well, hello."

The one on the right poked her cheek. _Hikaru?_ "You're new-"

The one on the left poked her other cheek. _Kaoru_. "-And foreign-"

Hikaru circled around her. "-Yet you know-"

Kaoru met his brother behind her. "-Our Haruhi-"

They came back in front of her. "-So familiarly."

They leaned even closer. "How?"

Liz leaned around them and tried to get Haruhi to help her. She shrugged apologetically.

She glared. The twins eyes widened as she turned back toward them. _They were expecting me to be_ _intimidated?_ She almost snorted. "Back away if you want to keep your faces pretty."

"I'm afraid hurting their faces would be detrimental to both you and our club. I'd refrain from making such threats in the future."

Liz raised her eyebrow at Kyoya, who was holding his notebook to his chest. _Oh god, it's the scary one._ "And... You are?" She bit into her apple and grimaced, suddenly remembering how much she hated apples.

He pushed up his glasses. "Ootori Kyoya, of the Ootori hospitals. And you are?"

Liz swallowed her bite and snorted. "Unimpressed." She threw her bitten apple without looking and heard a crash. Her eyes widened and she grabbed Haruhi's hand. "Haruhi, let's start walking before we're even later or someone gets arrested."

As she started walking, dragging Haruhi with her, Honey pulled on her skirt. She looked down at him and couldn't fight a smile. _He's so cute!_ "Yes, Honey?"

He blinked his big eyes. "Liz-chan, you and Haru-chan will be late anyway if you walk!"

She almost melted. _No, Liz. Get a grip on yourself. Concentrate on not getting arrested_. "I appreciate the concern, Honey, but I don't exactly have another option."

Tamaki jumped in front of her, posing heroically. _Here we go_. "Worry not, fair maiden! We shall escort you to school!"

Liz blinked. "Um." He grinned and she grimaced. "I'm sorry, but I must decline on the grounds that I have literally just met you and that you could all quite possibly be ra..." _There's a child person here don't say_ _that_. "... Murderers."

Honey pulled on her skirt again. "We're not rapists, Liz-chan! Promise!"

 _Who taught this child what a rapist was?_

' _He's older than you are, B_.'

 _But still!_

' _You're a goner._ '

 _Shut up._

Honey held up his pinky. _How can anyone say no to that?_

Liz sighed in defeat and linked pinkies with him. "Haruhi?"

Haruhi shrugged from her spot in Tamaki's arms. "They're going to take us whether we want them to or not. I've decided not to fight it."

Liz blinked and muttered. "I don't think you realize how sexual that sounded."

Honey dragged her to the limo the host club had ridden there. _Of course_. She turned toward them as she let Honey drag her. "Come on, everyone! We're going to be late if you don't stop standing creepily in front of my apartment!" _Bye, Oni_.

' _Have fun at school, B_.'

She turned to see Kyoya writing in his notebook next to a suspiciously Apple-sized whole in the front window of the limo. _Shit_.


	4. Cute

She sidled up to him. "Heeeey, Ootori. You sure look nice today."

He flashed his glasses at her. "I look exactly like I do every day, besides the fact that my mode of transportation has been vandalized."

Liz smiled innocently. "That sure does sound horrible. I think, should you find the disgusting vandal, that you should give them a stern talking to and send them on their way."

He didn't blink. "Do you?"

She nodded vigorously and smiled wider. "Oh, yes. That should teach them a lesson."

He hummed and held the door that the host club had gone through open for her. She went in hesitantly. He slid in beside her and passed her a slip of paper. She opened it to see a number. "Uh."

"That is how much you owe me for the car."

She snorted and rolled her eyes, placing the slip of paper on top of his head. "Try again."

He brushed it off and flashed his glasses. "Excuse me?"

Liz smiled at him sweetly. "I owe you as much as it takes to fix a car window, not enough to pay for an entire new vehicle."

"You owe me the number on the paper."

"Have you seen my apartment? I can't afford that. You can go screw yourself." She leaned back in the leather seat.

Kyoya leaned slightly toward her, blocking the others view from the rest. "You've given me an idea on how you can pay off your dept."

Liz tilted her head slightly to look up at him. She deadpanned. "I'm not selling my apartment."

He leaned in farther. "That isn't what I meant."

She stared blankly at him before it dawned on her. Seriously? She raised her eyebrows and smiled sharply. "Are you threatening to rape me?"

"Not in as many words. You have to pay in some way."

She snorted and pushed him back into his seat. "No thanks. If you want to have sex with me so badly, you could at least take me to dinner first." She glowered at him. "Have some class."

He straightened his jacket and flashed his glasses. "You aren't taking me seriously."

Liz snorted. "You take yourself seriously enough for the both of us." And then, just to be annoying, Liz crawled over his lap to get to Honey and Mori.

"Hey, guys. Kyoya's being a meanie so I'm hanging with you."

"Hi, Liz-chan!"

Mori nodded.

Liz smiled and gestured to the bunny Honey was suddenly holding. "Who's this, Honey?"

"This is Usa-chan! Do you wanna hold him?"

"May I?"

"Mh-hm!" Honey passed her the bunny and glanced out the window.

He bounced up from his seat. "We're here! Come on, Takashi!"

"Ah."

Liz stepped out after the two third years. "Wait, Honey! What about Usa-chan?"

Honey waved from Mori's shoulders. "You can keep Usa-chan for now, Liz-chan! Just bring him to the Clubroom after school! Don't forget!"

"Okay, Honey!"

Liz ignored the glares coming from basically all of the girls in her general vicinity and walked over to Tamaki and Kyoya, holding Usa-chan close to her chest.

She smiled serenely. "I would like to inform you that your fangirls are currently mentally sucking out my innards with a bendy straw."

Kyoya almost snorted. "Lovely." He snapped his notebook shut and started walking.

Tamaki and Liz followed. He looked her over with a rather calculating expression on his face. "So, Princess, how did you get out of wearing the standard uniform?"

She shrugged at them and smiled. "Long story." She paused. "And don't call me Princess!"


	5. Christ mori go to sleep

The fact that these girls in poofy yellow dresses were trying to be intimidating was funny enough. The fact that they were all shorter than her was even better.

Add that to the fact that they were trying to get her to stop hanging around the Host club was probably the best part.

"Stay away from them, commoner."

 _Sheesh. It took her a month to come up with that?_ Liz rolled her eyes. "Alright."

The ringleader- Mikari something or other- blinked at her. "We-well, good. And you're ugly."

Liz snorted. "Honestly, if you're going to bully me, at least make your lies believable."

"You're too tall!"

"Yes."

"And you're fat!"

"Nothing wrong with being fat. Also, I am completely healthy. You, on the other hand, should eat more. No one likes a malnourished wife."

"You really think so?"

"I think you should eat more, yeah. Maybe some cake every once in a while. I'm sure Honey will share with you."

Mikari- Hikari?- shoved her against a wall. "Stop that, you stupid foreigner!"

"That's a bit racist."

She flushed. "UGH, why won't you listen to your betters?!"

Liz laughed, until Miku or something hit her in the face.

She smiled. "Did you really just do that?"

"Y-yeah. And what are you gonna do about it?!"

Liz smiled sweetly. _Sorry, Ootori, but I'm using you._ "Doesn't your father work at one of Ootori's family hospitals?"

Liz walked out with a bleeding lip and Mimi's entourage and Momo walked out with a tiny bit of dignity.

Liz ditched the girls as soon as they got to the cafeteria to sit with Haruhi.

She dropped down onto the seat and groaned.

Haruhi looked at her with amusement. "Did you have a nice morning?"

She groaned louder. "All these poofy dressed weirdos are making me want to break something."

Haruhi bit into her rice ball. "What happened?"

"Some moron named Mokami or something tried to intimidate me in the bathroom."

"Is that why your lip is bleeding?"

"My-"

And then Mori was there, sans Honey, invading her personal space. He took her chin between his fingers and turned her face toward him. He looked into her eyes. "Who did this?"

"MOOOOOOE~!"

 _What the fuck._

Liz didn't want to hit him, as in his own weird way he was trying to help, but he was making her uncomfortable.

He wiped per bottom lip with a handkerchief- _where'd he get a handkerchief?_ \- and the squeals intensified.

Liz, not knowing how else to get him to let her go, flicked him on the forehead.

He jerked back as if he'd been shot and fell off the bench.

She laughed and helped him up. "Honestly, Mori, it's nothing. But you know not to touch my face unless I give you permission."

"And if I touch it with my lips?"

One of the fangirls surrounding the table passed out.

Liz snorted and stood up, dragging Mori with her. _Is this seriously what twelve-year-old me wanted because why?_ "That's it, come on. You're taking a nap."

He played with her hair. "Join me?"

She snorted and grabbed the hand he was playing with her hair with. "If you're lucky. To the music room!"

As she dragged him out, the whispering started.

She heard the phrase 'secret relationship' enough that she decided this was the weirdest high school ever and ignored it.

Mori leaned his head on her shoulder.

She sighed. "Mori-"

"Call me Takashi."

She rolled her eyes. "Takashi, you're heavy."

"You love it."

"Not when I'm trying to walk. You can lean on me for your nap, but right now I feel like I'll fall if you keep- TAKASHI PUT ME DOWN!"

He shook his head and held her over his shoulder as he continued to walk. "No."

"Takashi Morinozuka, you put me down right now or I don't sleep with you!"

He froze. "Sleep with me...?"

Liz blushed and started squirming. "In the nap way! Takashi, you pervert!"

"Would you sleep with me?"

Liz stopped squirming and choked. "Excuse me?"

He began walking again. "Out of the rest of the host club. Would you sleep with me?"

"Takashi-"

"I'll put you down if you answer the question."

"... You know, it's really not so bad up here-"

"Beth."

She huffed and hid her face in his blazer. "Mhmm."

"What?"

She sighed and lifted her head. "If I had to choose someone to sleep with in the host club, it would be you. Now put me down."

He set her down and walked beside her with his hands in his pockets.

When she finally stopped blushing and looked up at him, she balked. "Are you _smirking?_ "

He looked down at her and winked, opening the door to the music room.

She followed him in and huffed. "Idiot."

He just smirked again and gestured for her to join him on the couch.

She rolled her eyes and walked toward him, squealing when he pulled her into his lap. "Damnit, Mori-"

"Takashi."

"You're gonna remember this when you're awake and then you're gonna avoid me until you're tired again like you do every time. And I don't want you to do that, because you're my friend and it's annoying."

He hid his face in her neck. "Hm."

She tried not to squirm. "I kinda wanna kiss you right now."

And then he was on top of her.

She blinked. "That was Unexpected."

He stared into her eyes.

"You heard that, huh?"

He didn't blink.

She sat up, forcing him to move backwards with her hand. She sighed and opened her arms. "I just wanted to see what you'd do. Come here."

He stared at her some more before lying his head in her lap.

She stroked his hair until he fell asleep then wrinkled her nose.

 _Why is Wild Ones by Flo Rida stuck in my head?_

 _'Cause you like the Wild Ones, B.'_

 _Wha- Oni, when'd you even get here? Where've you been?_

 _'It's... It's kind of a long story. You don't want to know.'_

Liz relaxed in her seat. _Ah. You met another one?_

 _'Yep.'_

 _Where was she sent?_

 _'Death Note.'_

Liz winced. _Ooh. Love triangle?_

 _'I'm not actually sure. I don't even know if she has genuine feelings for anyone.'_

She shifted and Takashi tightened his hold around her hips. She rolled her eyes fondly. _That's worrying._

 _'Tell me about it. Speaking of love triangles, Glasses and Scary? Really?'_

 _Shut up, Oni._

 _'Just sayin'.'_

Liz made a face. _Prick._

 _'Heard that.'_

 _PRICK_.


	6. Can't take them anywhere

The first month of school was rather eventful.

Haruhi was great, and Liz considered her to be the Only Sane Man of the group. She was also the one Liz had met first, so she was automatically her number one.

Tamaki was like an annoyingly energetic golden retriever, even with all of his unintentional sexism and overall Frenchness, but Liz had learned quickly that humoring him was the only way to get him to stop talking quicker.

Kyoya was creepy as hell, but not in a fun way like Nekozawa. No, Kyoya was creepy in that, if Liz didn't have magical cats protecting her from afar, she would be very worried at his constant threats to deport her every time she stepped out of line.

The twins were... The twins. They tried to get her into their mother's expensive clothes, and she let them because they always let her take home outfits and, hey, who doesn't like free clothes? Plus, they all liked to tease Haruhi and Tamaki about their obvious feelings for each other when the other was within earshot, so there was that.

Mori. Liz and Mori had a complicated relationship. Well, not really. Liz and Mori really only spoke when he was sleep deprived and flirty, because they had found out early on that Liz seemed to be immune to his charms, but every time that happened he would avoid her afterwards.

Liz seemed to be immune to everyone in the Host club, actually, accept for Honey. That kid was just too adorable to ignore.

Speaking of Honey, he was her favorite of the Host Club boys. She had a little brother back... Before, so Honey was a welcome familiarity in the chaos of Ouran.

They'd been begging to see the inside of her apartment since the first day-they being Tamaki, the Twins, and Honey. Kyoya, bitter about how absolutely not intimidating Liz found him, went along with it just to annoy her.

It worked.

So, that brought her here, inside her apartment, surrounded by the Host Club and with nothing to eat.

She scratched her head as she looked into her near-empty fridge and grimaced. "Hey, guys? I may need to go to the market. I have no food."

Haruhi perked up. "I'll go with you. There is a sale in fruits, today."

Liz smiled. "Right, that would work, but I don't trust these idiots in my house."

Kyoya looked up from his notebook. "It really isn't much of a house, if you ask me."

Liz glanced at him. "I didn't ask, Ootori, but thanks for your input."

He flashed his glasses and went back to his notebook.

 _I wonder what he'd be like in Death Note._

She shuddered.

 _That's horrifying._

Liz didn't hear any reply in her mind, which worried her, so she glanced around for her cat. _Oni?_

 _'O-Over hereeee.'_

She turned to see Mori scratching Oni behind his ears, with Oni being reduced to practically a puddle on the floor.

She smiled. _Having fun there?_

 _'Guh.'_

She snorted and went over to them. She say down next to Mori. "Hey, Mori?"

He avoided her eyes. "Hm?"

She rolled her eyes. "Haruhi and I are going to get groceries. Cam you do me a favor and keep the idiots and Honey in line?"

He nodded once.

She nodded back and stood up, stopping when his hand snagged her shirt sleeve.

She turned to him with a raise eyebrow. "Yes, Mori?"

"Takashi."

She looked at him in surprise. _I thought only Flirty!Mori wanted that? Wait, what the hell am I thinking, they're the same person._ When his hand loosened on her sleeve, she grabbed his fingers and squeezed them once before letting go. "Okay, Takashi."

She walked away, ignoring Honey and the Twins who were giving her knowing looks, and went to grab her bag to go shopping.

She was stopped by a hand. "Where are you going?"

She turned to Kyoya. "To get food, Ootori, weren't you listening?"

"I seem to recall you saying you didn't trust the idiots alone in your hovel."

She refused to show any emotion. "Yes, that's why you and Takashi are in charge of making sure said idiots don't burn down my apartment."

He flashed his glasses. "Takashi?"

"Yes."

"Interesting."

She rolled her eyes. "What?"

"You call the rest of us by our last names."

Liz looked at him oddly. "No, I don't? I call all of my friends by their first name, unless they specify otherwise."

"You don't call me by my first name."

She blinked. _What is this, Be Out of Character to Confuse Liz Day?_ "You fall under the heading of amicable nuisance." She glanced down at his hand that was still holding onto her wrist and then back at him. "Do you mind? I kinda need that appendage."

He flashed his glasses at her. "Not until you call me by my first name."

She raised her eyebrows and twisted her hand out of his grip. "Ootori, we're not friends, and this is very much out of character. Please don't touch me without my permission."

 _Love triangle my ass._

 _'K-keeep telling yourself thaaaaat.'_

Liz wrinkled her nose, grabbing her keys. _Someone's enjoying that a little too much._

 _'This maaan has the hands of a god.'_

She smirked. _Well, now you're just trying to make me jealous._

 _'I-is it wooorking?'_

She walked back into the kitchen and glanced around. _A little._ "Where's Haruhi?"

Kyoya answered from a bit behind her. "You were taking too long so she left without you."

She rolled her eyes. _Haruhi and sales. The true OTP._ "Alright, then. Get up, losers, we're going shopping."

 _'That was a misquote.'_

 _Shut up, Oni._

Honey bounced toward her. "Liz-chan, Liz-chan! Me and Usa-chan think that you and Takashi should go together!"

Liz raised her eyebrow. "Is that so, Honey?"

He nodded cutely.

 _Fight it, fight it._

 _'Youuuu can do ittt, B!'_

She smiled. "And why is that, Honey?"

"Because Takashi is the strongest, so he can help you hold the groceries! And he-"

"Mitsukuni."

Liz looked up at Mori, and then at Oni, who was on top of Mori's head. She made a noise in her throat that caused them all to look at her.

She blushed. "I'm sorry, but Oni's on Takashi's head and it might be one of the cutest things I've ever seen."

There was a pause.

Then, Honey looked like he got an idea, Kyoya wrote furiously in his notebook, and the idiots smothered her in cuddles.

"SO CUTE~!"

"PERSONAL SPACE!"

And then she was in the air. She looked at Mori with a raised eyebrow as his face got progressively redder, until he put her down. She then straightened her clothes, taking extra care to fix her bra, and smacked him on the arm.

He fell down dramatically and she laughed and helped him up. "That, Takashi, was because you just got a handful of my boobs."

 _'Damn, kid.'_

 _Shh._

She then leaned up and kissed him on the cheek, laughing when he got even more red. "And that was for actually getting me away from them."

She fixed her bag and dragged Mori out the door. "Later, losers! And Honey!"

When they were a few blocks away from her building, she leaned up and spoke quietly. "They're following us, aren't they?"

He gave an affirmative grunt.

She grinned. "Now would be a really good time for you to get tired, then."

He avoided her eyes.

She huffed. "Christ, Takashi, I'm not gonna eat you. Why do you avoid me?"

He raised an eyebrow at her.

She shrugged. "So what, you get flirty when your tired. I'm flirty all the time. Do you think I can't handle it or something?"

He looked away again.

She huffed. "Wow, really? You don't think I can handle it? Do your worst, Takashi Morinozuka, I dare you!"

He looked at her so intensely she felt almost faint. She then got a very ominous feeling.

 _Oni, what have I done and why am I feeling so fluttery?_

 _'You made your bed, B. Lie in it. Preferably with him.'_

 _Oni! Me and him are, at most, flirtatious acquaintances when he's well rested!_

She faltered slightly. Mori raised an eyebrow again and then turned away smugly.

Liz steeled herself, and then forced herself to relax. She grabbed Mori's hand and tugged him in the direction of the grocers. "Stop being smug."

He snorted.

She lifted his hand to her mouth, ignoring the suddenly rustling bush beside them. "I will bite your hand, Takashi, don't test me."

 _He must be real fond of that eyebrow, huh, Oni?_

 _'Oh, please. You and Ella are so much worse.'_

 _Who's Ella? Death Note Girl?_

 _'Yep.'_

 _She's named Ella? What, is she some kind of Expy of L? Does she also eat too much sugar and have a thing for Light Yagami?_

 _'B, not the time. You've been holding eye contact with him for over twenty seconds.'_

 _Oh. Right._

Liz kissed Mori's index finger, smirking when he tensed. She looked up at him. "If you do anything untoward, I'm biting it. Understood?"

Liz saw in his eyes that he was taking that as a challenge and practically kicked herself. He nodded anyway.

She nodded back and pulled him after her. She sighed. _It would be so much easier if I didn't find him attractive._

 _'So you admit it!'_

 _I was never hiding it!_

 _'You said no love triangle!'_

 _There is no love triangle! Ootori's Aro! He doesn't do romantic love! And he scares me!_

 _'First of all, if anything, he's Ace. Secondly, I just really want a love triangle that doesn't involve sparkles, fur, and abuse!'_

 _...There's a Twilight one?_

 _'Yes, but that's irrelevant. You're at the market.'_

 _Yes, I can see that._ She tugged Mori toward the Italian section. "Come on, babe, we need pasta."

" _Babe?!_ Kaoru, did you hear that?!"

"MY SECOND DAUGHTERRR!"

"Shut up, Tamaki, they'll hear you."

Liz snorted and glanced at Mori. "Come on, Taka, smile! It's funny!"

He looked a bit offended.

She tilted her head. "What?"

He just turned away and dragged her in the direction they were going.

She huffed. "Takashi, slow down. My legs aren't as long as yours!"

He didn't slow down until they got their. He turned toward her abruptly holding two different pastas.

She took the one in his right hand and then looked for some peppers. "Mori, are you mad at me?"

He gave her a look.

She pouted. "Takashi, _why_ are you mad at me? What did I do?"

 _'Way to lay it on thick, B.'_

 _Shush, I'm being cute._

 _'Pfft.'_

Mori leaned in toward her face. " _'Babe.'_ "

Liz, who had been resisting the urge to blush for the entirety of the walk there, felt her cheeks heat up. She averted her eyes. "Sorry, Takashi. I didn't know it bothered you."

He stared at her for a moment before pulling back and smiling.

She smiled back hesitantly and flushed again when he patted her on the head.

 _Why am I so flustered right now? He makes sexual passes at me on an almost weekly basis?_

 _'Because when he does that, he's not in his right mind. Right now he is.'_

 _That was a rhetorical question, Oni, but thanks for the exposition._

 _'That's what I'm here for, B.'_


End file.
